Life Hacks, Trigger Warning!, Uncategorised, Uncategorized

Benefits of Counselling for Rainbow Sunshine444 (Part 2 of 5)

I lost a friend recently.

I lost her because I set a boundary, and I wrote about it here.

She asked me what to talk about in counselling, and I gave her a suggestion.

This is my second suggestion:

Talk about emotional regulation.

People who have experienced trauma need to learn how to feel emotions safely.

Our brains get changed after severe trauma in ways that make them harder to manage.

There’s a lot of invitations in our society to feel outrage, fear, drama, anger, etc without anyone holding our hand and telling us how to do that safely.

I’ve got a lot of help in feeling my emotions.

I’ve done 10 years of daily meditation (stopped in 2021, but retained some of the skills).

I listen to to speakers like Thich Nhat Hanh, Michelle Richmond, or Joe Dispenza who meditate and think about future creativity and growth.

There’s also help for me to lie on the bed and feel the emotions safely.

When you see people go from 0 to 100 on the emotional regulation scale in 30 seconds, you know they’ve probably experienced a lot of trauma.

My friend is the victim of a real, real of a lot of trauma. She’s had a tough, tough time.

In the state that I live in, anyone is eligible for free counselling who has been a victim of crime.

I pray to God that this woman finds the strength to face the issues she’s going through.

I pray for her warm heart, her intelligence, and her future.

I pray for her to develop a vision of her future that has something, anything, good in it.

And not good as in ‘Ooo I get to hurt so and so, that’ll be “good”’.

Good as in ‘Ooo, my heart is full of wonder and joy, and I’m so excited and happy to do such and such that will make my life better and help lift everyone in our society’.

That’s what I’m praying for her. That she’s actually going to have a good life.

It won’t happen unless she gets help with emotional regulation though.

That’s the second thing I think she should work on in counselling.  

Life Hacks, Novels and Creative Writing, Trigger Warning!, Uncategorised, Uncategorized

Benefits of Counselling for Rainbow Sunshine444 (Part 1 of 5)

I recently lost a friend.

I lost her because I set a boundary.

This is the boundary: for her to be in my life, she had to attend counselling at least fortnightly.

In the state that I live in, she could access free fortnightly counselling because she is a victim of serious crime and child abuse.

She doesn’t feel the need to work on her issues.

I can understand that.

But I’m not standing on the deck of her ship going down with her.

If she wants to be in my life, she’s going to have to bail some of the water out and try to row for shore instead of intentionally drowning herself.

She asked me for advice as to what she should talk about in counselling.

Here is part 1 of 5 of my suggestions:

Victim/Abuser Radar Sensitivity Training:

RainbowSunshine444 was the victim of physical assaults and frequent emotional abuse from her mother as a child. She is still the victim of regular emotional abuse from her mother. This abuse has never stopped, because she has never moved out of home or separated from her Mum. I have witnessed this behaviour over the past 8 years, and I believe her when she says that it occurred s a child.

She has also internalized her mother’s voice, and insults and berates herself internally as well as having to listen to her mother’s abuse externally.

However, RainbowSunshine444 perceives nearly everyone external to her as abusing her. I have witnessed her label anyone who respectfully suggested she do something helpful in her life as an abuser. I have witnessed her label people abusers for doing something as simple as falling in love and moving out of a share house.

I have witnessed her label people who pay for her drinks and her food and treat her respectfully as abusers. I have witnessed her label people who habitually beat women as “pussy cats” and people who set respectful boundaries with her as “abusive c**ts”.

I have witnessed her claim that the child exploitation and trafficking that she was also a victim of is not abuse. I have witnessed her claim that her Mum does not abuse her.

It is clear to me that she has no f**kn idea what abuse is, and she desperately needs to learn what is and what isn’t inappropriate behaviour. The best place she can learn how to do this is counselling.

So that’s the first thing I think she would benefit from learning about in counselling:

Victim/Abuser Radar Sensitivity Training.

F.I.R.E., Life Hacks, Review, Uncategorised, Uncategorized

Sound Relationship House (Part 4 of 5)

John and Julie Gottman’s Sound Relationship House

The hard step is safely managing conflict.

This means having good boundaries, accepting that your partner will be right sometimes, and that they get to have a say in what happens as a couple, but not letting them walk all over you.

It means talking and talking and talking.

It also means respecting when your partner gets overwhelmed and letting them stop. Letting them self soothe, and soothing them where possible.

It means watching your partner for signs that they’re getting upset and coming back to it later.

Roasted Kumera, Chicken Sausage, Fetta, Kale, and Spinach

My husband and I are having a big discussion right now about food. I read obsessively about diet, and even though I weigh around 190kg, I put into practice anything I can. For example I take supplements that are associated with a decreased risk of Type 2 Diabetes, I make sure I have a long gap between meals and snacks so my insulin doesn’t stay constantly high and I have a decreased risk of insulin resistance, I increase my protein, vegetable and legume intake and decrease my white carb intake.

Anything I’m capable of, I do.

Yet, my husband and I Both enable each other to eat potatoes, biscuits, chocolate and desserts.

Apple pie! Ready for the oven.

So my husband’s driving license has recently been threatened, and we’re having to do some serious thinking.

It’s tough coming up against ourselves like that.

Last night we were talking and my husband asked for a time out.

We stopped for a minute, and I stroked his hand.

After a while I said something, and he held out his left hand in a stop gesture.

I stopped.

It doesn’t mean that we won’t talk about it, and keep on talking about it, it just means that when he or I get overwhelmed, we pause for a moment and calm down for a while. We can each rely on the other not to cause harm by flooding.

https://www.gottman.com