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The Sound Relationship House (Part 5 of 5)

John and Julie Gottman’s Relationship House

The final step is developing together, developing a world together, and making each other’s dreams come true.

If your partner dreams of owning a Model T Ford, say ‘Yes’ when they want to buy one. If your partner has always wanted to learn Chinese, say ‘yes’ when they want to go to night school with you.

It’s good to have a couples language that’s just for you. “Remember that time when…”(we went on holidays to Canberra, we snorkelled with sharks, we walked 2km in 40 degree Celcius heat) is a wonderful tool to stroke your partners good feelings.

My husband had always wanted a moon watch, and that was my wedding present to him. His first anniversary present to me was a painting that I really loved. We do what we can to make each others dreams come true.

https://www.southsydneyuniting.org.au/

https://www.gottman.com

https://relationshipinstitute.com.au

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Sound Relationship House (Part 3 of 5)

John and Julie Gottman’s Sound Relationship House

After you’ve spent a long time getting to know your partner and learning their personal traits and histories, the next step is to love all over your partner and snuggle into their yumminess.

This means compliment your partner, tell them what they’re doing right, listen to them telling you 100 times the same joke and still smile wryly.

Tell them you love them and you love the way they pick up groceries on the way home, or wash up all the plastic recycling on the weekend, or shake the water off their butt when they get out of the shower.

As John Flanagan a Gottman trainer says, the next step is to be your partner’s cheer leader.

Something my husband and I do is tell each other how much we love each other several times per day. I tell him he’s a good husband and I love him, and I say thank you to him for doing every good thing he does that I remember. Yesterday he tidied his cupboards, and he took the recycling box downstairs. I said thank you. Because he’s a good little kitten and I love him. Naaaaaw.

He tells me he loves me he likes my cooking and he’s proud of me for getting good marks at uni and he’s proud of me when I get a new client, and he thinks I’m a good wife. I love him and he loves me.

I also have an example of this from a friend, one of my friends and I start on the level of functional and we work to make each other more functional. I can talk to her about things I’m working on to improve, and she can talk to me too.

https://www.gottman.com

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The Sound Relationship House (Part 2 of 5)

John and Julie Gottman’s Sound Relationship House

John and Julie Gottman’s model basically boils down to being nice to your partner while still having boundaries.

It starts with getting to know your partner really well. That means finding out their hopes and dreams; their experiences and memories; their values, ethics, politics, and spiritual views.

It starts with all the talking you do when you’re in new relationship energy, but it adds an additional responsibility to keep learning from each other.

They ask you to keep on talking and sharing your day, your experiences.

It starts with the admonition to be your partner’s best friend.

One piece of practical advice I got from Trish Purnell, a Gottman Trainer is that when your husband first comes in, the first moments he walks through the door, I just set aside 20 minutes (maybe over dinner or a drink) and let him vent about his day. He’ll vomit his news up all over me, and he’ll feel better, I don’t have to say anything or problem solve, I just let him vent for 20 minutes or so.

Another thing that I’ve done is to ask my husband to participate in my hobbies. So I did things like buying him a colouring in book so we could colour together, he does jigsaw puzzles so we do that together sometimes, we both love to read so we sometimes read the same books so we can talk about them to each other. It makes a big difference to understand your partner

http://www.gottman.com

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The Sound Relationship House (Part 1 of 5)

John and Julie Gottman’s Sound Relationship House

John and Julie Gottman have been helping couples heal in relationships and researching good relationships since the 1970’s.

It started with John realizing he had a crummy love life.

He would date women, but they just kept leaving him. Duh Dong.

Eventually he decided to get some data into what good relationships look like, and how to be in one.

Fast forward over 50 years and he’s happily married to Julie and his research team can predict with 98% accuracy if a couple will still be together in 5 years after a 1 hour conversation.

When he married Julie, in the 1980’s she said, ‘So John, when are you going to start telling people about this good relationship stuff?’ John was like ‘Huh?’ Lol.

Over time they’ve developed a model for good relationships called The Sound Relationship House and a series of short courses that you can do online through www.gottman.com or in person in Australia through https://relationshipinstitute.com.au/ My husband and I did their two day course, and some of their short courses, and they’re very good.

They’ve also got a whole mess of books and posters and info-graphics and card decks, you name it, available online through sites like www.amazon.com or though local bookstores like www.booktopia.com.au (search term: gottman).

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Husband’s Loving Hands

Can you think of a completely natural couple’s ritual that brings good sleep and feels great? One that is soothing, low cost, and doesn’t require a great deal of effort or attention?

I can.

And is just so happens that my husband is great at them. 🙂

It’s back massage!

Massage is effective to aid:

  • Some chronic pain
  • Anxiety
  • Stress
  • High blood pressure
  • Insomnia

Victorian Gov Better Health

Massage may induce:

  • Relaxation
  • Improved circulation
  • Stimulation of lymphatic system
  • Increased Joint Mobility
  • Heightened mental alertness

Victorian Gov Better Health

We have an awesome massager that originally came from The Body Shop

Straight after massage, we usually release lots of endorphins with dry brushing.

Dry Brushing may:

  • Open pores
  • Exfoliate the skin
  • Stimulate the lymphatic system
  • Increase circulation
  • Help aid relaxation
  • Be bad for people with very sensitive skin

HealthLine

A dry brush is like a hair brush for your skin.

Finally we take out the Lavendar Moisturiser

Lavender seems to have:

  • Antibacterial effects
  • Antifungal effects
  • Antianxiety effects
  • Antidepressant effects
  • Some pain relieving effects

WebMD

Cheap Cheats Recipe for Lavender Moisturizer:

¼ Cup sorbolene cream with or without glycerine or other plain moisturizer

Between 2-10 drops of lavender oil as preferred

Between 2-10 drops of other essential oil/s as preferred

  • Mix carefully

  • Store in a container with an air-tight lid, preferably screw top
  • Avoid extreme temperatures
  • Spot test thoroughly before applying
  • Discontinue use if irritation occurs and/or add less or different essential oils next time
  • This is a really fun project, you can use old moisturizer containers to make your own yummy smells.
  • You and your husband can make your own different yummy smells.
  • Also makes a nice gift if you put it in a lil jar for Christmas etc with a bow and some decorations.