Trigger Warning!, Uncategorised, Uncategorized

Coersion and Creativity

Empathy is connecting with the parts of you that feel bad along side other people

My Dad and I had a difficult relationship. When I was 16 and I disobeyed him, he wheeled the garbage bin into my room and started putting my school work and clothes into it. This was a Sunday evening, I was doing homework, and I had an assignment due the next day.

 I hate confrontation and I was frightened. When he started to lose his temper, I left quickly. I think I might have gone to the local shopping centre and finished my homework, and not come back til late in the evening. Mum told me that my sister had gone to get her, and there’d been a tremendous argument. Dad threatened her, but he didn’t actually hit her that time. We were all terrified, but I was angry too.

My room was pretty messy, and it’s a parent’s prerogative to enforce cleanliness on teenager’s rooms. Most people want to live in nice houses; Dad included. Dad wanted to live in a clean and orderly space. He wanted me to show gratitude and respect for the area he had worked hard to provide for me, by keeping it tidy and harmonious. That’s fair enough.

However, this is an example of coercive control. The constant threat of violence, the unpredictability of the demands, the lack of empathy, the rigid hierarchical system enforced through authoritarianism: That’s coercive control. The reason it happened was because my Dad was unskilful, and unable to communicate or cope.

A better way of doing it would be instead of saying “I want this room tidied tonight” like a temperamental despot, saying “how can we work together to create a system that will help you to keep things tidy”. People thrive through connection. Chris Voss in ‘Never Split the Difference’ says that all negotiation begins with empathy, and that includes negotiation with teenagers.

I’ve got an example of coercive control where I’m the perpetrator, too. My husband and I went to a birthday party, and I kept an eye on the number of slices of cake he had, and when he got to five I said stop. There is an arrogance of me deciding what he should eat, when he should stop, and saying so in front of others. I shamed him.

Again, this is entirely wrong.

As an adult, it’s his prerogative to decide what he eats, and how much. If he specifically asks me to help him with food, it’s OK to say something in a non-shaming way. He had in-fact asked me to do that previously, and commented that we enable each other to eat unhealthy food. However, consent isn’t just about saying yes. True consent requires you to make sure that the other person is OK. And he wasn’t. And that was wrong.

 If you don’t have the skills to communicate without violence, or threat of violence, it’s very important that you get those skills. And the great thing is, not only will they be happier—you’ll be happier. Not only will they learn to have good relationships—you’ll have good relationships. You’ll be able to connect with people on a real level, because you’ll both feel safe. You’ll be able to listen. And listening and being listened to is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

It’s one of the things that makes life worth living.

F.I.R.E., Life Hacks, More experienced Investors, New To Finance

What does it take to build a business?

Brene Brown says ‘if you’re not in the arena, participating, don’t you dare stand on the sidelines and put me down’. Tough words—basically if you haven’t got any skin in the game you haven’t got any authority to criticize.

I just watched two speakers pitch their businesses through Sydney City Council. Both speakers had the drive and creativity to reach at least $2 million in revenue. Despite being at the beginning of their potential, both businesses had already raised as much revenue as the median Australian earns in 40 years of work.

So what does it take to build a business?

The median sole trader earns around $10 000 per year of income (abs.gov.au). Yet in Australia’s $2.5 trillion economy there are many small to medium businesses that earn much more than that.

So how do you get from averaging $10 000 to $2 million+?

I don’t know how. I’ve not been able to do that, yet.

But I do know some things that don’t work:

  • Law-of-Attraction or prayer—being a good person and living mindfully is one thing, but if you pray to win the lottery instead of putting the work into a business plan, you’re not going to get much out of it besides a gambling addiction.
  • Pessimism and deciding you’ve failed before you’ve begun. Again, great to take criticism and feedback on board, but despair and defeated-ness are definitely not winners.
  • Refusing to listen to feedback—ask your customers what they think of your product
  • Basing your product entirely on what other people ask for—Henry Ford said “if I had asked people what they wanted they would’ve told me to breed faster horses”.
  • Charging by the hour for your own work. It’s not scalable. Even if you earn $100 per hour, you will never make the return on investment that you would if you had a scalable product.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

References:

www.abs.gov.au

www.austrade.gov.au

https://www.cityofsydney.nsw.gov.au/talks-courses-workshops/visiting-entrepreneur-program

https://www.haymarkethq.com/

https://brenebrown.com/

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By reading this blog, you agree that you read it under your own risk, and Gill’s Practical Bookkeeping is in no way responsible for any harm or prejudice to yourself, your business, or any fictional examples above.

I am not a financial advisor. I do not have an AFSL. I am a chick who likes to read, think, write, and has access to google. You should treat this blog with the same seriousness that you would treat anyone whose main qualification is access to google. This blog is for entertainment purposes only. It’s a little like watching The Good Place for nerds or artists.

Anything you take from this blog is your responsibility. Nothing in this blog, even if you are mentioned by name, address, and telephone number, pertains to your personal situation. Anything you agree with, or disagree with, you are welcome to comment on, but your opinions belong to you. You are responsible for your comments. If they are offensive, I will remove them.

Novels and Creative Writing, Uncategorised, Uncategorized

Dense living shoots, and The Tantrum

Dense Living Shoots:

There once was a balcony aloe
It’s dish was surprisingly shallow
But it still made new shoots
And dense living roots,
There’s no need to leave your heart fallow

The Tantrum:

He screams, he cries,
He’ll thrash his little legs
And rub his eyes
The innocence of disarray
His behaviors I can not deny

Unless I look deep into the heart of things, and breathe.

There’s no training for his family
To deal with their son’s complex needs
Navigating systems that can’t cope
Half my role is give them hope

That a valuable life has nothing to do with living up to a pretend ideal of what passes for normality.

He drew an ‘H’ in the air today,
I could’ve cried ‘Hip Hip Hooray’
He’s learning how to train his mind
Now how to teach him to be kind

To get him through to the excellence, mastery, bravery, and vulnerability that I hope will make him a brilliant adult.

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By reading this blog, you agree that you read it under your own risk, and Gill’s Practical Bookkeeping is in no way responsible for any harm or prejudice to yourself, your business, or any fictional examples above.

I am not a financial advisor. I do not have an AFSL. I am a chick who likes to read, think, write, and has access to google. You should treat this blog with the same seriousness that you would treat anyone whose main qualification is access to google. This blog is for entertainment purposes only. It’s a little like watching The Good Place for nerds or artists.

Anything you take from this blog is your responsibility. Nothing in this blog, even if you are mentioned by name, address, and telephone number, pertains to your personal situation. Anything you agree with, or disagree with, you are welcome to comment on, but your opinions belong to you. You are responsible for your comments. If they are offensive, I will remove them.

Novels and Creative Writing, Trigger Warning!, Uncategorised

Conversations with my 13 year old Self

P!nk does the healing work
Her example creates, succeeds, motivates.
She started out bratty, different,
Let’s Get This Party Started! Bleargh.
But she’s worked through that, and ended up
Raw, honest, a wounded healer; more artist than merchandise;
A knitting together of dreams, effort, growth, joy and panic rather than plastic fantastic,
Her self-liberation liberates others.

Conversations with my 13 year old Self

When I was 13 I wanted to be a teacher and a missionary in Africa,
I wanted 10 kids
And to save the world.
I joined the school band, choir and debating team.
I babysat every afternoon.
At 13 I was bossy and arrogant,
Patronising and overly direct:
I couldn’t fit in with my peers.
I also had seeds of strength, creativity, and kindness,
Quietly rooting themselves into my personality.

And the others—those men
Both internal and external to me.
They haunted the edges of my consciousness
A snap of images from the past
Ashamed, I’d turn my head,
Or a shard of someone younger than me who lives inside
Ciphering out– her head dripping round the door of my consciousness
Internal him using my hands to cut the malleable bounce of my legs and stomach.
External him sending shocks of fear through my body
The smell of cigarettes, beer, and sex, the growl of male voices,
My shudder of horror when I hear those footsteps, those keys.
Pain and panic blinding me,
Blinding the parts of me that still remember, still experience.

At 13 I could read all day
Novels and stories—so many quick reader books written with simplicity in mind.
I had so much energy and time went on forever
Stretching into a future that would definitely be better than today.

I disliked his hands on me
Eyes assaulting through the peeky hole between the bathroom and kitchen.
Anyone could look– he let anyone look: his friends.
And I looked too.
In 1999 they chose that life

In 2022 they choose their lives.

In 2022 I’m basking in
That ephemeral substance of living past your past,
Growing through your past,
Embracing: intangible assets of compassion, language, and love of learning.

My parents?
How do you grow though a past that you can’t accept occurred?
Lost to resentment and denial, they bask in
Disappointment and regrets.

Poor things.

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By reading this blog, you agree that you read it under your own risk, and Gill’s Practical Bookkeeping is in no way responsible for any harm or prejudice to yourself, your business, or any fictional examples above.

I am not a financial advisor. I do not have an AFSL. I am a chick who likes to read, think, write, and has access to google. You should treat this blog with the same seriousness that you would treat anyone whose main qualification is access to google. This blog is for entertainment purposes only. It’s a little like watching The Good Place for nerds or artists.

Anything you take from this blog is your responsibility. Nothing in this blog, even if you are mentioned by name, address, and telephone number, pertains to your personal situation. Anything you agree with, or disagree with, you are welcome to comment on, but your opinions belong to you. You are responsible for your comments. If they are offensive, I will remove them.

Review, Uncategorised

Sweet Fat Attitude

You do not need
A better body, a purer spirit, or a Ph.D.
To be proud… You only need more practice.
You get proud by practicing.

Laura Hershey http://www.thenthdegree.com/proudpoem.asp

In the beginning, I couldn’t run 20 meters.

Oh Lord.

My kind fat ass wibbled and wobbled.

My knees protested.

My body creaked and groaned.

But I did it.

I did it.

20m.

Then (crazy old me) went back and did it again next week.

Only this time I did two lots of 20 meters.

They say men are attracted to jiggly bits. It’s true. And when I run, I jiggle enough for every woman in Australia.

A couple of weeks later, the Adonis I train with suggested we try running 10m and walking 10m.

We tried it.

We kept on trying it.

This week I ran approximately 200m.

That’s improvement x10.

Next week, we start trying to run around our oval 1.5 times.

One day, I’m going to be able to sprint 100m.

One day, I’m going to be able to jog 1km.

Who knows, in 10 years time, when my joints have strengthened and my tendons and ligaments have lengthened and my muscles are strong and feisty, I might get to 10km.

How’s that for 190kg?

I love my body. I love the things it can do for me. I love the way it feels when I run. I love my fat. I love my muscle. I love my lungs.

And I thought, wouldn’t it be great if I could run 10km with a happy body?

Goals start with 20m. Goals start at the beginning. If I had sat around thinking ‘woe is me, I can’t run’ would I have run that first 20m? If I had sat around hating my body and hating my fat, would I have run that first 20m?

One of the tricks in life is to set audacious goals and work slowly towards them. Step by step. Bit by bit. Just a tiny bit. Just a fraction.

But keep moving forward. And love your lil self for being where you are and working on yourself (just a teeny tiny bit).

Tell me about something you’ve done a tiny bit of in the comments, that you’re working towards doing more of.

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By reading this blog, you agree that you read it under your own risk, and Gill’s Practical Bookkeeping is in no way responsible for any harm or prejudice to yourself, your business, or any fictional examples above.

I am not a financial advisor. I do not have an AFSL. I am a chick who likes to read, think, write, and has access to google. You should treat this blog with the same seriousness that you would treat anyone whose main qualification is access to google. This blog is for entertainment purposes only. It’s a little like watching The Good Place for nerds or artists.

Anything you take from this blog is your responsibility. Nothing in this blog, even if you are mentioned by name, address, and telephone number, pertains to your personal situation. Anything you agree with, or disagree with, you are welcome to comment on, but your opinions belong to you. You are responsible for your comments. If they are offensive, I will remove them.