I lost a friend recently.
I lost her because I set a boundary, and I wrote about it here.
She asked me what to talk about in counselling, and I gave her a suggestion.
This is my second suggestion:
Talk about emotional regulation.
People who have experienced trauma need to learn how to feel emotions safely.
Our brains get changed after severe trauma in ways that make them harder to manage.
There’s a lot of invitations in our society to feel outrage, fear, drama, anger, etc without anyone holding our hand and telling us how to do that safely.
I’ve got a lot of help in feeling my emotions.
I’ve done 10 years of daily meditation (stopped in 2021, but retained some of the skills).
There’s also help for me to lie on the bed and feel the emotions safely.
When you see people go from 0 to 100 on the emotional regulation scale in 30 seconds, you know they’ve probably experienced a lot of trauma.
My friend is the victim of a real, real of a lot of trauma. She’s had a tough, tough time.
I pray to God that this woman finds the strength to face the issues she’s going through.
I pray for her warm heart, her intelligence, and her future.
I pray for her to develop a vision of her future that has something, anything, good in it.
And not good as in ‘Ooo I get to hurt so and so, that’ll be “good”’.
Good as in ‘Ooo, my heart is full of wonder and joy, and I’m so excited and happy to do such and such that will make my life better and help lift everyone in our society’.
That’s what I’m praying for her. That she’s actually going to have a good life.
It won’t happen unless she gets help with emotional regulation though.
That’s the second thing I think she should work on in counselling.