I recently lost a friend.
I lost her because I set a boundary.
This is the boundary: for her to be in my life, she had to attend counselling at least fortnightly.
In the state that I live in, she could access free fortnightly counselling because she is a victim of serious crime and child abuse.
She doesn’t feel the need to work on her issues.
I can understand that.
But I’m not standing on the deck of her ship going down with her.
If she wants to be in my life, she’s going to have to bail some of the water out and try to row for shore instead of intentionally drowning herself.
She asked me for advice as to what she should talk about in counselling.
Here is part 1 of 5 of my suggestions:
Victim/Abuser Radar Sensitivity Training:
RainbowSunshine444 was the victim of physical assaults and frequent emotional abuse from her mother as a child. She is still the victim of regular emotional abuse from her mother. This abuse has never stopped, because she has never moved out of home or separated from her Mum. I have witnessed this behaviour over the past 8 years, and I believe her when she says that it occurred s a child.
She has also internalized her mother’s voice, and insults and berates herself internally as well as having to listen to her mother’s abuse externally.
However, RainbowSunshine444 perceives nearly everyone external to her as abusing her. I have witnessed her label anyone who respectfully suggested she do something helpful in her life as an abuser. I have witnessed her label people abusers for doing something as simple as falling in love and moving out of a share house.
I have witnessed her label people who pay for her drinks and her food and treat her respectfully as abusers. I have witnessed her label people who habitually beat women as “pussy cats” and people who set respectful boundaries with her as “abusive c**ts”.
I have witnessed her claim that the child exploitation and trafficking that she was also a victim of is not abuse. I have witnessed her claim that her Mum does not abuse her.
It is clear to me that she has no f**kn idea what abuse is, and she desperately needs to learn what is and what isn’t inappropriate behaviour. The best place she can learn how to do this is counselling.
So that’s the first thing I think she would benefit from learning about in counselling:
Victim/Abuser Radar Sensitivity Training.