Life Hacks, Trigger Warning!, Uncategorised, Uncategorized

Benefits of Counselling for Rainbow Sunshine444 (Part 2 of 5)

I lost a friend recently.

I lost her because I set a boundary, and I wrote about it here.

She asked me what to talk about in counselling, and I gave her a suggestion.

This is my second suggestion:

Talk about emotional regulation.

People who have experienced trauma need to learn how to feel emotions safely.

Our brains get changed after severe trauma in ways that make them harder to manage.

There’s a lot of invitations in our society to feel outrage, fear, drama, anger, etc without anyone holding our hand and telling us how to do that safely.

I’ve got a lot of help in feeling my emotions.

I’ve done 10 years of daily meditation (stopped in 2021, but retained some of the skills).

I listen to to speakers like Thich Nhat Hanh, Michelle Richmond, or Joe Dispenza who meditate and think about future creativity and growth.

There’s also help for me to lie on the bed and feel the emotions safely.

When you see people go from 0 to 100 on the emotional regulation scale in 30 seconds, you know they’ve probably experienced a lot of trauma.

My friend is the victim of a real, real of a lot of trauma. She’s had a tough, tough time.

In the state that I live in, anyone is eligible for free counselling who has been a victim of crime.

I pray to God that this woman finds the strength to face the issues she’s going through.

I pray for her warm heart, her intelligence, and her future.

I pray for her to develop a vision of her future that has something, anything, good in it.

And not good as in ‘Ooo I get to hurt so and so, that’ll be “good”’.

Good as in ‘Ooo, my heart is full of wonder and joy, and I’m so excited and happy to do such and such that will make my life better and help lift everyone in our society’.

That’s what I’m praying for her. That she’s actually going to have a good life.

It won’t happen unless she gets help with emotional regulation though.

That’s the second thing I think she should work on in counselling.  

Life Hacks, Novels and Creative Writing, Trigger Warning!, Uncategorised, Uncategorized

Benefits of Counselling for Rainbow Sunshine444 (Part 1 of 5)

I recently lost a friend.

I lost her because I set a boundary.

This is the boundary: for her to be in my life, she had to attend counselling at least fortnightly.

In the state that I live in, she could access free fortnightly counselling because she is a victim of serious crime and child abuse.

She doesn’t feel the need to work on her issues.

I can understand that.

But I’m not standing on the deck of her ship going down with her.

If she wants to be in my life, she’s going to have to bail some of the water out and try to row for shore instead of intentionally drowning herself.

She asked me for advice as to what she should talk about in counselling.

Here is part 1 of 5 of my suggestions:

Victim/Abuser Radar Sensitivity Training:

RainbowSunshine444 was the victim of physical assaults and frequent emotional abuse from her mother as a child. She is still the victim of regular emotional abuse from her mother. This abuse has never stopped, because she has never moved out of home or separated from her Mum. I have witnessed this behaviour over the past 8 years, and I believe her when she says that it occurred s a child.

She has also internalized her mother’s voice, and insults and berates herself internally as well as having to listen to her mother’s abuse externally.

However, RainbowSunshine444 perceives nearly everyone external to her as abusing her. I have witnessed her label anyone who respectfully suggested she do something helpful in her life as an abuser. I have witnessed her label people abusers for doing something as simple as falling in love and moving out of a share house.

I have witnessed her label people who pay for her drinks and her food and treat her respectfully as abusers. I have witnessed her label people who habitually beat women as “pussy cats” and people who set respectful boundaries with her as “abusive c**ts”.

I have witnessed her claim that the child exploitation and trafficking that she was also a victim of is not abuse. I have witnessed her claim that her Mum does not abuse her.

It is clear to me that she has no f**kn idea what abuse is, and she desperately needs to learn what is and what isn’t inappropriate behaviour. The best place she can learn how to do this is counselling.

So that’s the first thing I think she would benefit from learning about in counselling:

Victim/Abuser Radar Sensitivity Training.

Life Hacks, Novels and Creative Writing, politics, Trigger Warning!, Uncategorised, Uncategorized

WDYS#145 Sadje from Keeping it Alive

Thanks to Sadje from Keeping it Alive for her What Do You See prompt #145

Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/@malonsophoto

Silent secrets: Communicating abuse

The artist’s white rose heart

Bursting out of the page

Reaching for anyone who might be able to help

Jewellery—there’s no lack of money,

Just lacking compassion, and empathy.

Trying, failing, trying, to speak

The longing to say words

For the sounds to tumble out of my mouth

Forbidden speech–

The despair of silence.

The effort of work that is

Helping someone understand,

While unable to utter a single word

Of truth.

I got help from https://steppingout.org.au
Life Hacks, Novels and Creative Writing, politics, Trigger Warning!, Uncategorised, Uncategorized

Writing Advice —

By Jamie Thunder Write about what you know, they said. But when she wrote about the hollow pull of loneliness and the fear she felt when walking alone they said no, no that is self-indulgent, and unfair on the many men who do nothing to warrant fear, even late at night when the bulbs in […]

Writing Advice —

This is an amazing short piece of writing. Grips the heart and what a kick in the tail!

Novels and Creative Writing, Trigger Warning!, Uncategorised

Conversations with my 13 year old Self

P!nk does the healing work
Her example creates, succeeds, motivates.
She started out bratty, different,
Let’s Get This Party Started! Bleargh.
But she’s worked through that, and ended up
Raw, honest, a wounded healer; more artist than merchandise;
A knitting together of dreams, effort, growth, joy and panic rather than plastic fantastic,
Her self-liberation liberates others.

Conversations with my 13 year old Self

When I was 13 I wanted to be a teacher and a missionary in Africa,
I wanted 10 kids
And to save the world.
I joined the school band, choir and debating team.
I babysat every afternoon.
At 13 I was bossy and arrogant,
Patronising and overly direct:
I couldn’t fit in with my peers.
I also had seeds of strength, creativity, and kindness,
Quietly rooting themselves into my personality.

And the others—those men
Both internal and external to me.
They haunted the edges of my consciousness
A snap of images from the past
Ashamed, I’d turn my head,
Or a shard of someone younger than me who lives inside
Ciphering out– her head dripping round the door of my consciousness
Internal him using my hands to cut the malleable bounce of my legs and stomach.
External him sending shocks of fear through my body
The smell of cigarettes, beer, and sex, the growl of male voices,
My shudder of horror when I hear those footsteps, those keys.
Pain and panic blinding me,
Blinding the parts of me that still remember, still experience.

At 13 I could read all day
Novels and stories—so many quick reader books written with simplicity in mind.
I had so much energy and time went on forever
Stretching into a future that would definitely be better than today.

I disliked his hands on me
Eyes assaulting through the peeky hole between the bathroom and kitchen.
Anyone could look– he let anyone look: his friends.
And I looked too.
In 1999 they chose that life

In 2022 they choose their lives.

In 2022 I’m basking in
That ephemeral substance of living past your past,
Growing through your past,
Embracing: intangible assets of compassion, language, and love of learning.

My parents?
How do you grow though a past that you can’t accept occurred?
Lost to resentment and denial, they bask in
Disappointment and regrets.

Poor things.

…………………………………………………………………

By reading this blog, you agree that you read it under your own risk, and Gill’s Practical Bookkeeping is in no way responsible for any harm or prejudice to yourself, your business, or any fictional examples above.

I am not a financial advisor. I do not have an AFSL. I am a chick who likes to read, think, write, and has access to google. You should treat this blog with the same seriousness that you would treat anyone whose main qualification is access to google. This blog is for entertainment purposes only. It’s a little like watching The Good Place for nerds or artists.

Anything you take from this blog is your responsibility. Nothing in this blog, even if you are mentioned by name, address, and telephone number, pertains to your personal situation. Anything you agree with, or disagree with, you are welcome to comment on, but your opinions belong to you. You are responsible for your comments. If they are offensive, I will remove them.