John and Julie Gottman’s model basically boils down to being nice to your partner while still having boundaries.
It starts with getting to know your partner really well. That means finding out their hopes and dreams; their experiences and memories; their values, ethics, politics, and spiritual views.
It starts with all the talking you do when you’re in new relationship energy, but it adds an additional responsibility to keep learning from each other.
They ask you to keep on talking and sharing your day, your experiences.
It starts with the admonition to be your partner’s best friend.
One piece of practical advice I got from Trish Purnell, a Gottman Trainer is that when your husband first comes in, the first moments he walks through the door, I just set aside 20 minutes (maybe over dinner or a drink) and let him vent about his day. He’ll vomit his news up all over me, and he’ll feel better, I don’t have to say anything or problem solve, I just let him vent for 20 minutes or so.
Another thing that I’ve done is to ask my husband to participate in my hobbies. So I did things like buying him a colouring in book so we could colour together, he does jigsaw puzzles so we do that together sometimes, we both love to read so we sometimes read the same books so we can talk about them to each other. It makes a big difference to understand your partner
